It’s a Cold Hard Truth But Sometimes Women Don’t Make Any Sense

I am fully away that this post may be misconstrued as misogynist, but if I remember correctly, there is a scene in some movie with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt where Nicholson plays a well-known author that is asked by a fan, “How do you write women so well?” To which Nicholson’s character replies something like “I think of a man, and then I remove all logic and rationale.”

Deep down, I think that even women that are offended by the above statement are probably still replaying an actual conversation from their own recent past where they realized mid-sentence that what they were saying was completely wrong and yet they continued to adamantly argue their point of view anyways. (If “wrong” feels too strong of a word choice here, please feel free to substitute any of the following suggestions: illogical, false, doubleplusuntrue or bat-shit crazy.)

These discussions are typically initiated by a woman either making a statement that begins with “I feel like…”or asking a question such as “what do you think about _________?” Then, more often than not, the woman will start passionately quoting some regional aphorism or “commonsense” saying that she clearly believes lends unassailable credence to her argument.

From what I have observed of this hypothetical representative of the fairer sex, she also genuinely believes that the mere repetition of the aforementioned phrase will somehow imbue her respective viewpoint with more “truthiness” like a mystical incantation. However, this subtle spell does not actually work.

Next, the discussion often devolves to a point, where said woman, realizing the untenable nature of her recently espoused position, will as a last ditch effort, frantically try to bolster her claims with extremely vague generalities and/or by citing “facts” from a source that, at best, can be attributed to “I read it somewhere on the internet “ or “I was talking to so and so and she thinks that…” None of these subsequent statements will be anything that in any way can be validated or verified.

It’s usually around this time that it’s often wisest to simply agree with whatever proposition/viewpoint/theory the woman is currently pitching like a deranged cultish newsie, passing out comet-hitchhiking propaganda on a street corner while rabidly foaming at the mouth. And if I were ever to actually find myself in a completely hypothetical and imaginary scenario such as this, I would think that it may be advantageous in the future to simply respond with “Yeah, okay. You’re right.”

Now in the interest of full disclosure, I imagine that my wife would probably tell me that I should think twice before publishing this post. However, at the end of the day, I guess I just feel like it’s always better to ask for forgiveness than permission. What’s done is done. You can’t change the past. _________________________ (Please use this space to mentally insert another trite, pithy cliche of your own choosing.) Besides, I’ve been reading a lot lately on the internet about becoming a writer and every single site says that “You just need to go for it! Publish or Perish! Writers need to write!” That kind of advice sounds like some pretty unassailable logic to me.