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Ruling by Executive Order

March 9, 2017

Lately my wife has been trying to rule the house by executive order. In Trumpesque fashion, this past Saturday was declared to be a cleaning day for example. And just like Trump, the content of these orders is both confusing and difficult to implement.

Generally the mandates go something like this:

“The house is filthy. We really need to clean it!”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it filthy. I mean it probably could use a good vacuuming but overall I don’t think it’s that bad.”

“Do you have eyes? There is dirt everywhere. You probably dragged it in on your shoes since you don’t take them off in the house.”

Notice the subtle shift from a simple conversation about cleaning into the blame game. Granted I don’t always take my shoes off but most of the time I think it’s for a good reason- like I’m bringing in groceries from the car.

“You need to vacuum the bedroom and downstairs. And then we can both clean the bathroom.”

Now to be fair, I hate cleaning the shower and intentionally excuse myself from this duty whenever possible but I have no problem cleaning toilets or the sinks.

“Once we’re done then you can vacuum the stairs as well. By the way, we really need to get the carpets professionally cleaned. They are so dirty.”

Here is where things get more difficult as the scope of her demands start to spin out of control. Do I agree that the carpets should be cleaned? Yes, probably. Do I think that this needs to be done this Saturday? No.

“By the way, it’s really dusty in here. You should change the furnace filter.”

“Okay, grand overlord. Anything else?”

“Well now that you mention it, I was thinking that we can clean the garage too. It shouldn’t take that long.”

Yep. Nothing like planning on relaxing for the weekend only to find out that it has now been designated as official cleaning days. Then again, she does do quite a bit around the house and I probably should help her out more. And if there is one thing I’ve learned over the years, never piss off the woman that does your laundry.

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