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Cleansing Your Aura…

June 28, 2017

Life is seldom boring. Take today for example. It was an average work day until one of my coworkers started passing out little plastic bubble tubes for her “cleansing ritual.”

If anything about that last sentence confuses you, rest assured knowing that I was also as equally confused when it happened. Apparently this employee had some “bad aura” that she felt the need to be cleansed of and the ritual that she decided to use to cleanse herself of this bad juju required her coworkers to at some point blow bubbles towards her.

There wasn’t much else by way of explanation. I guess most of us deemed it impolite to inquire exactly why she felt the need to be cleansed of this bad aura but we were all definitely wondering what this employee had done in order to dictate that a cleansing ritual was needed at all. Was she mixed up in some kind of witch’s hex? Did she play with a Ouija board and inadvertently caught the eye of some malevolent spirit? Or did she simply break a mirror or have a black cat cross her path?

We all had lots of questions. Answers to those questions were less forthcoming. You have to imagine the scene. We work in a typical office setting with rows of cubicles and this woman starts passing out white little vials of bubble solution with hearts on top of the wands to her coworkers in the middle of the work day. The bubbles were obviously intended for a wedding and she tells us they are for her cleansing ritual.

“Here. These are for my cleansing ceremony.” she stated as she passed the bubbles out to each one of us.

“Um, okay.” I didn’t really know how else to respond.

“They’re for later.” she chided another of my other coworkers that had started blowing some bubbles right away.

And so we returned to work with bubble tubes sitting on our desks. Then about an hour or two later, she called us together to tell us it was time. I was unfortunately on a teleconference at the moment so I couldn’t actively participate in the ceremony although I did watch with some amusement as the event played itself out.

Step 1

Get a coworker to hold an egg and then pass it around your head a couple of times while reciting some kind of incantation about negative energy.

Step 2

Have the same lucky employee waive a sage bundle around your body while reciting some other equally esoteric phrases.

Step 3

Invite the rest of your coworkers to form a circle around you and blow their bubbles towards you as you stand in the middle.

Needless to say, I have lots of questions. Here are just some of the things that I would like to get answers to:

  1. Does the color of the egg matter? Does it have to be a white egg or could it be brown? Does it matter if it’s hard-boiled?
  2. Shouldn’t the sage bundle have been smoldering? In every horror movie that I’ve seen that used sage as a cleansing agent, it is always smoldering and emitting some bluish smoke. Does the ceremony still work even though it wasn’t on fire? Would it have been preferable to be smoldering but the building’s fire code prevented that?
  3. Was it actually sage that was used? I was standing a fair distance away, but it kind of looked like she used a stalk of celery instead. Would that have changed the result of the cleansing?
  4. What is the significance of the bubbles and what role do they play in the cleansing?
  5. How the hell do you know that the cleansing worked? Do you have to pop a certain number of bubbles to ensure the ritual was effective?
  6. What possessed this employee to think that her coworkers would be amenable to this type of nonsense?

After some very brief research (meaning one Google search,) it appears that this ritual is actually a thing. Although to be fair, my first result was entitled The Gypsy’s Tricks for Spiritual Cleansing and Protection. After reading this article, I am surprisingly still not convinced that this ritual has any real or measurable effect- other than reinforcing your coworkers belief that you are mentally unhinged.

All that being said, one benefit I did get out of this little ceremony was that I do find it immensely entertaining to think of what trio of components and objects I would include if I were to have a ceremony to cleanse my own aura. So far, my top favorites are a cantaloupe, a pitch pipe and an old pair of shoes. Or maybe a snorkel, a Bavarian pretzel and mosquito repellent. Or a doorknob, a #2 pencil and uncooked wild rice. Because, let’s be honest here, if I am going to enlist my coworkers to help me participate in some nonsensical bullshit ritual, I’m at least going to try and make it more interesting.

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